Monday, January 10, 2011

An Anniversary Remembering Steve Kurtz Words From Sherri

Finding a better way to grieve : The New Yorker
Dear Family and Friends,
A year ago today, around this time, me and a bunch of enthusiastic helpers were cold and impatient, chomping at the bit till we could blast through that door and whip that ballroom into shape for our Celebration of Steve's Life Performance.  And what a performance it was.  That day stands in my mind as the perfect celebration, one that over a month had grown from the seeds of inspiration from Alix, Stephen and myself and  was the perfect mix of planning, hoping, wanting, giving and serendipity. While most of the planning was on our shoulders and a few enthusiastic friends most of the serendipity was from you....our extended family and friends.
At the time I didn't fully realize dual nature of life that only becomes apparent after such a profound loss. That day started the realization when we celebrated the life of Steve and also mourned his death ...that it was experiencing the true nature of life. Until then life was a steady uphill journey celebrating life...not that death wasn't was everyday...but that my life had never so profoundly been touched by death.  It wasn't till then that opposing emotions would live side by side, not in competition but in harmony in a life song that had reached octaves never before imagined. There is not a time that my mourning isn't interrupted by the joy of the memory of having had shared my life with Steve.  Not that it was perfect or it was all good.......but just because it was and it was ours.  Something that we entwined our lives around and made into our relationship; our idea of life with each other on this earth...
Thank you all for your part in our Celebration of Steve....from showing up to sharing thoughts, words, songs, stories, or just for corresponding to let your feelings be known.  The magic of the day wouldn't have been possible without your input.  We all got to know a little bit more about the man, father, friend, and partner that he was. 
Thanks to Alix and Stephen who brought and gave their hearts....
With my words is my heart....thank you for going on this journey with me....grief does not have to be a solo always I invite you to share with me....
Included is an article from the New Yorker Magazine.  It was originally given to me by Michael Sullivan soon after Steve's death and I have read it every month or so and it has been a great companion this past year.  Grief is little talked about and less understood.  Maybe it will help you or your loved ones during a mournful time. 
And lastly.....there is no secret handshake...there are no special words of wisdom......there is no special potion.........there is just the hug, the smile, the tears, the words, the calls, the cards, the talks.....your own unique way of showing love and caring during difficult times.  Don't be recklessly........and sloppy.......and share your fears.....we all have the same ones....and we all have the love to overcome them.............
Thanks from my yours.........Love for the New Year! we would have been well into it by now.........thanks for your help!

1 comment:

  1. Letting the day rest for a year in memory, I watched the video on the first anniversary. So good that I have both; the memory of the day and the video to help me with what escaped my memory. My Dad's eulogy was precious in memory and extra special in hearing it again. He celebrated many aspects that made Steve so special to all of us. Thanks Dad...I appreciate all of your sentiments.